saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
