Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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