If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
