if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
