So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
