O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
