Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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