he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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