im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize