i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
