when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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