I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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