i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
