Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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