so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
