Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
