I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
