I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
