Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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