I hate all girls vehemently.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
