It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
