Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Terrible idea I love it
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
