Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
