Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
