Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
