Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
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I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
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somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.