Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team