i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.