This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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