Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low

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(815): I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low http://tfl.nu/wg0q

Replies (24) Good night (764) Bad night (4203)
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(636): View more from Missouri

I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.

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(636): I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher. http://tfl.nu/pfmp

Replies (132) Good night (8510) Bad night (842)
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(513): View more from Ohio

well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"

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(513): well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment" http://tfl.nu/5a1z

Replies (6) Good night (1051) Bad night (3593)
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(207): View more from Maine

Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived

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(207): Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived http://tfl.nu/2pbp

Replies (18) Good night (790) Bad night (7306)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...

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(250): he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom... http://tfl.nu/aduc

Replies (80) Good night (988) Bad night (6376)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.

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(201): we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday. http://tfl.nu/gckh

Replies (14) Good night (4547) Bad night (1103)
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(906): View more from Michigan

it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.

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(906): it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something. http://tfl.nu/su0x

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions

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(615): Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions http://tfl.nu/mr16

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(509): View more from Washington

No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.

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(509): No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry. http://tfl.nu/k8f0

Replies (5) Good night (439) Bad night (1055)
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(417): View more from Missouri

Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.

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(417): Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail. http://tfl.nu/0q6b

Replies (3) Good night (1057) Bad night (372)
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(785): View more from Kansas

We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.

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(785): We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool. http://tfl.nu/h5uz

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(619): View more from California

I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening

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(619): I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening http://tfl.nu/88kw

Replies (1) Good night (611) Bad night (244)
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(475): View more from Connecticut

So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for

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(475): So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for http://tfl.nu/xgsz

Replies (9) Good night (1324) Bad night (243)
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(440): View more from Ohio

The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.

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(440): The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch. http://tfl.nu/uy0f

Replies (2) Good night (721) Bad night (186)
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(480): View more from Arizona

This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.

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(480): This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help. http://tfl.nu/vra3

Replies (5) Good night (256) Bad night (318)

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