ADVERTISEMENT

• (269): View more from Michigan

  did you hook up austin?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed

  Fav 5 1196 1745

  share tweet
  

• (802): View more from Vermont

  You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?

  (1-802): View more from Vermont

  The one in Montpelier?

  (802): View more from Vermont

  yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.

  Fav 53 751 2478

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  are you high?

  Fav 36 13010 1292

  share tweet
  

• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.

  Fav 5 4189 1279

  share tweet
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.

  Fav 1 1552 908

  share tweet
  

• (647): View more from Ontario

  How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Formal letter or email.

  Fav 4 1579 689

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (815): View more from Illinois

  I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.

  Fav 1 489 824

  share tweet
  

• (703): View more from Virginia

  Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.

  Fav 3 859 538

  share tweet
  

• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow

  (1-304): View more from West Virginia

  Teach me the song of your people

  Fav 1 1095 511

  share tweet
  

• (706): View more from Georgia

  My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...

  Fav 4 435 749

  share tweet
  

• (971): View more from Oregon

  I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood

  Fav 1 718 357

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (503): View more from Oregon

  Shower wine is way better than shower beer.

  Fav 0 237 116

  share tweet
  

• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened

  Fav 3 60 13

  share tweet
  

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up

  Fav 0 27 10

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (661): View more from California

  I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.

  Fav 0 56 12

  share tweet
  

Randomize