The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
