my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
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I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I deserve this hangover.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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