I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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