just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
