i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
