Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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