I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
