I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
