Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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