my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
