Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
