sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This baby is an asshole
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
