is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
