She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Randomize
