Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
