she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you would pick up someone in the library
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
