he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
dude. I can hear the air.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
