I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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