Where did you get a picture of my penis
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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