My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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