Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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