Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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