I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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