ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
