we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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