in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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