i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
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the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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