Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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