i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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