i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I am midnight drunk by noon
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
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Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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