Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
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It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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