why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize