Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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