McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
