YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
